Are You A Good Girlfriend? Part Two

The Long-Term Courtship

Ladies, you constantly complain about the passion and fun of your relationship dwindling as it develops into the long-term ordeal you’ve dreamed of since you were a little girl.

“He’s not the guy I thought he was, it’s not as fun as it used to be, he’s addicted to porn and all our pillowcases are stiffer than his cock gets when I touch it.”

All common courtship issues.

Quite honestly, I really do care about you people to try to fix these problems because a good portion of my pussy is being the “other man” for women unhappy in their current situation, yet another way I do my best to help. How have I not been awarded for my service?

Anyway, in my last blog post you broads asked yourselves if you were giving off signals that you’d be a good girlfriend in the early stages of getting to know each other, and in this one, I want you to reflect on your behavior once you’re well into a relationship.

Do you still fuck?

When you first started out you probably fucked five times a day  – it was one grand, constant orgasm  – but now do you fuck five times a year? The sex inevitably slows down for a variety of reasons – on both the guy and girl’s parts – you become complacent. Did you get comfortable, get stressed, get fat? Girls will often put on a few pounds in their relationship due to feeling so comfortable with the love of their life, busy, or simply  fucking lazy. So, they’ll not initiate the beautiful act of boning as much as they used to, or worse, consistently turn him away. It’s not about who started it, it’s about fixing the problem. Rape him every chance you get.

Is the fucking formulaic?

Do you still bang regularly, but too regularly? Is it Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 10, missionary style and then you finish off by pushing yourself on top?  What makes relationships sour, in every aspect, is routine. I get it. You have your job schedules, kid schedules, workout schedules, but do you really have to have a fuck schedule? Sex should be spontaneous in all aspects – times, places, and ways it’s done.

Do you suck his dick?

The most common thing I’ve seen in a relationship is blowjobs becoming a thing of the past. When it first started out you gave him one at night and one with his morning coffee but now he’s lucky if he gets a hummer for his birthday. Think of the advantages to fellatio – the ultimate power it gives you over him. The more blowjobs he’s getting the more he’s going to go out of his way for you in the bedroom – initiating sex, fulfilling foreplay, returning the favor – and out of the bedroom – buying you gifts, romantic gestures, his general demeanor. Show me a happy man and I’ll show you man who just got his dick sucked.

Do you have a ZZ Top concert between your legs?

The longer a girl is in a relationship, the more hair on her pussy. Get rid of that shit, for real. A girl’s definition of shaving her pussy seems to change once she’s in a relationship. You’ll say oh honey, I shaved and then still have half a Jew fro down there. Gross. Shaving means waxing. I like a bald pussy or a sexy landing strip, if I wanted a seventies porno bush I’d watch “Deep Throat” again. Every girl should have a professional do the job, Brazilian style. If you’re apprehensive read this article about the joys of a good poon wax by Calen “Kat” Spindler.

Do you talk down to him?

Come on, be serious. Really evaluate how to speak to him. Are there times you yell at him and tell him what to do? Worse, do you make fun of him, point out shortcomings and all around disrespect him in front of friends?

Do you take it up the ass?

Come on, don’t be such a bitch about the ass. It’s fun, it’s dirty, and if you think you don’t like it, that’s in your head. Every girl who hasn’t done the ass or has rarely done the ass will fight me on this one, but trust me, the ass has become a very popular option with the upstanding young ladies. See for yourself.

 

If you dig my blog check out my humorous, erotic, autobiographical novel “The Wingman Chronicles.”

My filthy novel The Wingman Chronicles available in E-book & paperback on Amazon

The Wingman Chronicles on Amazon UK!

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Are You a Good Girlfriend?

If you’re a girl who chronically complains that you can’t find a boyfriend and you have no idea why, like in most occurrences of male-female drama, it’s probably your fault.

You have some questions to ask yourself, and if you are answering yes to any of these, you have your answer. And by changing your behavior in the future, as long as you’re decent looking and not a complete cunt, you will find yourself saddled with the relationship torture you long for. I promise.

Like all great relationships it’ll be a modern day fairy tale where you’ll constantly boss your man around and act like awful things such as apple picking, looking at foliage and having kids are an absolute blast. To make things better, since you’re so comfortable with each other, you’ll be able to stop giving blowjobs and grow an afro between your legs. Relationships really are the greatest thing on earth.

Are You A Flake?

Be honest – did you repeatedly blow him off? I’m not saying stand him up at Burger King, but did you make plans on a Wednesday for the weekend and then not call him back, or have something else SUDDENLY come up that was more important than bonding over Whoppers with cheese?

Or, when he tried to make plans with you did you repeatedly give him “maybe,” “I’m not sure what I’m doing,” “Let me see what’s going on,” “Text me Saturday,” “Depends what the girls are doing,” “If I’m still alive?” Girls complain guys don’t make concrete plans anymore but when we attempt to you girls are hard to lock into a date, and often break plans. This is a much bigger problem with younger girls.

Are You A Flirt?

Did you meet up in the same club or block of bars you go to every weekend, mingling with the same crew of drunks? And when you’re at this place you go to because you “know everybody” which is code for “get guaranteed attention and not pay for a drink,” even though you’re supposed to be hanging with your new guy did you still flirt with all the usual suspects – some you’ve fucked, others you’ve blown, some with whom he’s witnessed you engage in a sloppy public display of  horniness?

When you’re out with him you’re his lady for the evening. I don’t give a fuck if you’re just talking, hanging out, casually dating – whatever the fuck you want to call it. You want to be treated like a lady, listen to Sinatra’s “Luck Be A Lady” before the next time you meet the dude you’re talking to at the bar.

Let Me Guess, They’re Just Your Friends…

That’s what you tell the guy you’re interested in when every guy at the bar flirts with you. You’re simply talking to your friends. Well, it comes off like you’re not interested and it’s rather rude. Go to a place you don’t know everybody – while I have banged, casually dated and been in serious relationships with girls more than a decade younger, and more than a decade older – while it’s difficult to pinpoint who’s crazier, I have to say this ADD is a problem with the younger girls. They’re like puppies distracted by shiny objects.

Hot/Cold?

You text right back for a few days or initiate contact leading to long bouts of banter, but then he sends you several texts and you ignore him for a day or two. Then, a day later you’re shooting him a text at 8 in the morning and going back and forth all day – then it stops again. We get it – you’re getting close but trying to avoid getting close, you like him but don’t want to seem too available, all guys cling to you and you don’t want that to happen with this one.

What all this really means is you like him but are afraid of getting hurt. To a guy this comes off as annoying and bitchy, and after a while a guy with balls and self respect figures ‘Fuck her, I know several interested broads who are only half as cunty.’

Don’t Listen to Your Friends

No girlfriend wants their friend to be happier than they are, and no guy friend wants their female BFF to bang anyone but them. The only person with an unbiased opinion is a gay guy. Not gay women, however, because like your straight guy friends, they just want to ravage you.