“I’m a Fuck Buddy, Not a Whore”

You get a text message at 2:15 a.m.  It’s your fuck buddy wondering if he could stop by. Hmm, what could that really mean?

He was out at the bar and his pathetic attempts to coax every decent looking broad into bed went unanswered, but it’s okay, he’ll fuck his sure thing. Yet, you didn’t get any of the free vodka tonics or lemon drops he was being worked for all night. It doesn’t sound terribly fair to you.

But what do you do? You tell him to come over, have a round of sex that’s average at best, and find yourself depressed about the encounter the next morning. Yet, a week later you get the same late night text, and provide the same result.

This isn’t what you signed up for. You were supposed to be a fuck buddy, not a whore. You’re a woman who wanted recurring commitment-free sex, yet at the same time you had some sort of self-respect. If you want to be treated like a lady, fucked like a whore and then do whatever you want the next day, it’s up to you to use your pussy power to do that.

(If you prefer the whore role, by all means I encourage you to be the whore your Momma raised you to be. But, this piece is for girls who enjoy dirty sex but still want to be treated like a human being. I’m a wingman for all.)

Real Truth, Not Girl Truth

When you tell a guy what you want, it’d be nice if you actually told him what you want. Not what you think he wants to hear, not what the persona you work to give off should say, not what your stupid friends tell you to say what you really want.

So many times girls will say: I just want to be your whore. I just want you to fuck me.  The sweet stuff makes me sick. If it’s not a dirty word, I don’t want to hear it.”

We do exactly as you say, and then find you cutting off our arrangement and hating us. For as much as you broads talk it’d be nice if you actually told the “real truth” once in a while. If you have a problem with something, be completely straight about it. Don’t give him some vague metaphor, or provide a map of clues. Trust me, he’s too stupid to find the buried treasure.


You’re Not On Call

When that late night spur of the moment text message comes in, ignore it. You’re not a consolation prize. And if he asks why you didn’t text back don’t pull the “I was sleeping” or “I didn’t see it bullshit.” Tell him that if you’re going to fuck, you need to be entertained first. Don’t worry – he’ll still want to fuck you. And if for some reason he doesn’t, it’ll take you five minutes to find a replacement fuck buddy. Remember, the weapon of mass destruction between your legs gives you control.

Make Him Woo

A hooker gets paid so why shouldn’t you? I’m not saying cash is handed to you before, during or after the filthy festivities but there’s no reason he can’t take you out for sushi, drinks  — or if he’s married and can’t be seen with you in public – provide a classy takeout dinner of pizza, wings and boxed wine.


Just because you’re not immersed in a committed courtship doesn’t mean he can’t act like somewhat of a decent human being when your clothes are on. He could actually be friendly, cordial, and kind, exemplifying pre and post bang chivalry. He doesn’t have to come home to you every night so he should be able to fake it for a little while.


If you enjoyed this check out my book “The Wingman Chronicles,” available in digital and paperback formats through Amazon and Amazon UK. Hope to see you at a standup show/book signing soon!

The Wingman Chronicles available on Amazon. Download, tell your friends, and leave a review!

The Wingman Chronicles on Amazon UK!



  1. I do have to say, if a fuck buddy relationship is laid out correctly, the rules are defined when the relationship forms. She should have all the rights to go out and get laid as you do. I wrote up a guest blog a while back it’s on my page under fuck buddy tips.

    If you formulate a good relationship you gain a code, you keep the sex limited, and imho you make sure to limit the relationship to only sex. One huge aspect of a good successful fuck buddy relationship is a future that doesn’t align (kids/marriage) but an attraction/sexual tension that does. It takes two very mature people to form a fuck buddy relationship, this is not friends with benefits. You aren’t required to be friends, just fuck buddies.

    It’s not as if one is getting more than the other, the only aspects of the relationship are: open, honest, forward, and good sex. Yes good sex is a requirement. If the sex isn’t good you aren’t getting what you are suppose to out of the relationship.

  2. Just just nominated you for the “One Love Blog” Award http://showyourmind.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/nominated-for-one-lovely-blog-award/ Thanks for the good work!

  3. Wow. This is so true, and I have used the “i was sleeping” text before. Learned my lesson. Fantastic post!

  4. Just finished your book!!! Fucking awesome!! I have a Fuck Buddy and I am very honest with him about what I want!! No strings and dirty sex!!

  5. I follow all of these rules. I get called out for being brutally honest and I’m okay with that. I don’t want a fake relationship or promises of future engagements just to have a little care free fun. It’s a chance to experiment and really get to know your body, likes and dislikes. I refuse all texts after 12 unless its me contacting him. If I feel used its over. To be respected you have to demand respect. I hope women read this and feel empowered. I have the vagina. I make the rules.

  6. all of this sounds awesome, but it doesn’t really lay out HOW to get what you want. how to you get that respect you’re talking about?

  7. if a female wants a fuck buddy, that’s what she wants him for and so she’s not guna b miffed about all that dinner and date bs. she get her own dinner and he stops by (when she says tho) to do what he is meant for. simple. meet her fuck buddy need till she finds one worth keeping. :-)~

  8. friends with benifits would be more appropriate for doing other things together. that should be simple and easy as well.

    • *benefits*

      • …but that would require him to be friend worthy.

  9. Then there’s dating. Where dude better have it on the ball.

Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s