The Wingman’s Guide to Sucking Cock

If you’re sucking a guy’s dick, and he says “you’re such a whore,” that is the ultimate compliment. Like any endeavor, when it comes to blowjobs, practice makes perfect.

I know some guys will say “there’s no such thing as a bad blowjob” — all that tells me is they never never experienced truly awe-inspiring fellatio. Don’t get me wrong, any blowjob is better than no blowjob. But given the option, you want the best blowjob a dinner at a chain restaurant could buy.

You know how they say the sex is better when it’s with someone you really care about, I buy that. I agree. Connection is important. But with blowjobs, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Generally someone who really cares for you gets comfortable and lazy,  no longer putting forth her best effort when oxygen is limited.

My best blowjob came from a nasty-ass behemoth I met after a show in some sleepy little town in upstate New York. She was a fat, trashy, floozy, but the pickens were slim, and she offered to suck my cock. It was the best blowjob I ever had. It made me feel like I just brushed my teeth, but down there.

To this day, I’ll be watching a porno, jerking off to a smoking hot fake-breasted broad, and suddenly find myself thinking of that gargoyle giving me that wonderful hummer. Then as I begin to ejaculate I get depressed I allowed myself to sink to such awful depths. It’s a combination cum-cry, with a grimace of disgust thrown in.

Anyway, ladies, follow these rules and no matter how much disdain a guy may have for you, he’ll think of you every time he blows his load.

Go Deep

If you didn’t go down far enough to induce vomiting, you need to go farther. I’ve actually had that happen. I said, “Thank you. That was great. And you look amazing.”

Use Your Hands

If you’re only using your mouth, you’re doing half the work. You need to vary things by using both hands – throw a right, a left, and a knock out combination to keep us guessing.

Work the Balls

You’re swallowing up that dong, taking care of all of it, but the balls are just sitting their lonely like a the last two kids who didn’t get picked for Dodgeball.

Start by playing with the balls by gently grabbing them with your hands – not aggressively pulling – that’s just cruel. When you’re licking the base of the cock bring your tongue down to the balls, licking them, and lightly sucking on them like they’re cherry Jolly Ranchers.

Handle Ass Play on a Case by Case Basis

When you’ve gotten to the bottom of the balls and explored the taint, for me, there’s a line you don’t cross. Which means you don’t lick, finger, or stick any sort of objects (I don’t care how small), near my butthole. It wouldn’t be in your best interest. Sometimes I don’t wipe properly.

However some guys like a finger shoved up their ass during a BJ, or even a rim job. Your best bet is to ask what they’re into before you do anything in that vicinity. Don’t be embarrassed.The awkwardness works better as part of a conversation, than in a trial and error experience. Trust me.

Finish the Job

Sucking dick without swallowing is like taking your dog for a walk and not picking up its shit. Show some fucking follow through. I don’t know how your momma raised you, but in my family we were taught to take initiative, have passion, and finish what we start. When a girl doesn’t guzzle my cum I have a good mind to call her mom and find out where she went wrong.

Come Up for Air

I’m not saying stop, I’m saying vary the activity. Otherwise you’re liable to get lock jaw. Alternate sucking to licking the penis up and down with your lips. I can’t stand when girls vigorously suck my cock as fast as they could without varying the pace and position. It’s not supposed to be assembly line work, it’s an art.

 
My humorous, erotic, autobiographical novel “The Wingman Chronicles” is now available on Amazon. Check out description, customer reviews and a free sample right here.

My filthy novel “The Wingman Chronicles”

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15 Comments

  1. Love it!! All of it is correct too…..

  2. Great job, James. U always find a way to make me laugh so hard. Thanks for the tips. Lol

  3. Reading this has me so excited right now…. 🙂

  4. This cum-guzzling-turbo-whore applauds you!

  5. Most men want a finger up there, I think you’re an exception to The Rule…Can I add a tip for guys?Don’t put your hands on the back of her head and try and face fuck, it makes girls tense and less likely to be able to swallow deep. I like your twisted humour, and shame/regret induced orgasms are always the best – cum-cry, totally stealing.

    • Only sometimes. I like a good mouth fuck now and then.

      • Yeah but if you put your hands on the back of a girls head and try to force it it won’t go as deep, you have to be passive and allow yourself to be mouthfucked. Then you shall have an amazing deepthroat experience. I think porn has skewered mens attitudes towards sex, those women are being paid to act….

  6. I agree with the swallowing. I give a nice lecture to any GF that admits she doesn’t swallow. I let her know her man has NO choice but to taste her, the WHOLE time he is down there. So why can’t she handle twenty seconds of happiness for him and swallow. If he tastes funny? Fucking swallow and AFTER he has enjoyed his orgasm and is not vulnerable. Mention it and tell him to have some pineapple or celery. Don’t drink soda so often etc. but also let him know you love to suck his cock and won’t stop… Just if he keeps tasting bad? He can just cum on your face or tits. Poor him huh?

  7. Loved it!

  8. How is it im learning so much from you?! Gotta get your book!

    • I’m glad to hear I’m teaching you something. Yes, if you like the advice blogs you have to experience my first-hand stories in the book. Thanks for your support!

  9. So my friend affectionately calling me his dirty whore is a term of endearment .. I knew there was a reason it made me smile …;-)


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