Republicans are victims of poor marketing

By James Holeva

Conservative/Liberal… What sounds more exciting?

About a year ago a broad I knew told me that she was a Republican. I said, “Okay. So as for your beliefs are you completely Republican, completely Democrat, or kind of split down the middle?”

“I’m pretty conservative,” she said.

“Really?” I said. “Well you could have fooled me. I mean, when you blew me under the table at that Japanese restaurant, I thought you were pretty fucking liberal.

“Wait… Is that the reason you wouldn’t have a threesome with me?”

She was kind enough to enlighten me that the words liberal and conservative, in political terms, have nothing to do with what turns you on sexually. You could be into sticking rodents and reptiles up your ass, and it would have nothing to do with your political affiliation.

Based on Democratic Presidents John F. Kennedy and Bill Clinton’s prior sexual exploits, I thought if you were liberal politically it meant you were down for an uncouth adventure.

Whether you’re a Democrat or Republican, there is one certainty. The Republicans are victims of poor marketing.

Democrats are liberal, and Republicans are conservative.

But it has nothing to do with fucking. It’s merely about your thoughts on spending, taxes, health care, social security, foreign policy, immigration – issues that have no bearing on my life.

And I never would have known that if it wasn’t for this girl who liked to bang in public places, and voted for John McCain.

The word conservative is the worst marketing term I could think of. It sounds like a commercial for Catholic Television, or the 700 Club.

Think about it… When you meet a girl do you want to hear:

“Oh, she’s perfect for you. Real conservative. Turtleneck sweaters, long pants, granny panties… You put your hand on her knee and she’ll run away.”

Or, do you want a girl who’s liberal?

“This broad is liberal as fuck. She’s down for anything. Anal, orgies, you could stick it in her ear if you want. Just use lube. I learned the hard way.”

You’re trying to recruit boys in high school for your political party. What sounds better to them? They don’t know the issues. They’ll go with whatever makes it sound like the girls will put out more.

Liberal and conservative sound like one party has booze and whores, while the other just, isn’t a party at all. Call me old fashioned but when it comes to choosing which party to attend, I wanna be at the one where the broads are better in bed.


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