By James Holeva

A divorced father’s halfway house after being released from prison.

The end of a committed (or seemingly committed) relationship is like getting released from prison.

There’s the minimum security country club with ping pong and tennis – a girlfriend.

The medium security facility – a wife, but no kids.

And the maximum security penitentiary complete with sodomy, weight lifting in the yard, and the hole – wife, kids, maybe even a mortgage.
I don’t know if your wife went for sodomy, and, or, if you worked out, however you were probably allotted time in the yard. If you had a house in the suburbs, someone had to cut the grass.

What location you live in would determine if anyone ever tried to shank or shiv you, although I believe they’re the same thing.

When you’ve just been released from Shawshank you don’t go right back into normal society, you start out in a halfway house.

Divorced with kids, you’re an institutionalized man now. Unless you were smart enough to cheat on your wife, you’re starting over in a rude and unfamiliar world. You’ve forgotten all your old moves, and it’s time to hone whatever skills you had, once again.

You need your halfway house if you’re ever gonna find your way back to the G-spot. Your game and confidence is shot. Chances are your ex got your balls in the divorce. It depends how good her lawyer was.

If you lost your jewels in a nasty custody battle, or are still fighting for them along with your house, SUV, and actual jewels, I think it’s time for you to volunteer with the local chapter of the Parent Teacher’s Association: The PTA.

Doing good will make you feel good, and aid in the regrowth of your testicles. Hahaha, I’m joking completely.

However, this is no joke. Attending a PTA meeting is like going to a brothel where you don’t have to pay. Not too many men roll through these meetings, so the women are like horny vultures.


Look for “The Wingman Chronicles” hitting book stores in next year to read the rest of the story!



  1. Hahaha! James you humanitarian you! I love your quick witted humour you always have me laughing out loud. Just reading about marriage, awful kids and yardwork made me feel trapped and I’m a woman LOL. Screw the woo and fast forward to the fucking 🙂 Brilliant!!

  2. FAB as always 😉

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